Beat

I love the song by Kari Jobe, "The More I Seek You."  The LORD gave me a verse that I owned up in Matthew 6:33 that says I am to seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and HIS righteousness, and all the things I need or want will be added to me. My will will conform to His, and anything I ask for In His Name it will be given.  Now if Dan and I agree on something - there is eve mo0re power!  The song goes to say - " I want to sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand, lay back against You and breathe, feel Your heartbeat..."  To feel the heartbeat of God - that's what I want. ("I wont that," in the voice of the lady who wanted the model boat in Napoleon Dynamite, when Uncle Rico was trying to sell some Tupperware to her and her husband..:)


Nowthen... I love saying that in a country voice - even though I'm not born in the south, or America for that matter. Just one of those things I cannot explain :) I have been frustrated with spending morning time with the LORD since I first became a Christian. I know I heard you need to do this, but at first, I spent time with Him in the afternoons and at night and I loved those times! The LORD spoke to me, I learned a lot, and those time were super beneficial and I will cherish them always.  I never-minded about concerning myself with what time or when, I just took every chance I had to spend time with Him.  Then, as I learned from Christianity101, you had to spend quiet time of at least twenty minutes in the mornings with God.  Oh, how I have struggled with this.  I cannot recall how many times I fell asleep on the Bible, how many times I rolled over and the kids woke me up, how many times I just flat out did not want to get up because I was cold, tired, or even angry.  But the harder I tried to obey, the harder it became. I did not know why, and it brought a sense of shame because I was not upholding this task.  Like I failed - every time I did not wake up early and spent quality time with God. Then for the rest of the day, I went about feeling under the weather because I knew my day did not start out right.

I knew I am to give God the first of everything including my day.  I know in the Psalms, David hints many times to the importance of greeting your Father early in the morning, even before the sun rises. I know all this, and I still cannot manage myself to simply just wake my butt up!

Then I found grace. I began to learn about what it means.  I learned why and how grace operates.  I learned or I guess it was more of "I received" in my heart that truth.  I am righteous in Him. I am righteous. I spent 2011 meditating and getting this truth to sink in.  I have met with a most wonderful lady EVER, Kathy, as my mentor to whom I can relate worldly concerns to.  We did the Beth Moore Bible study called "Breaking Free" together, and  the LORD amazed me by allowing me to break free form the past judgements I held against Daniel. I went trough the Freedom Ministry training which were a breath of fresh air and much needed therapy.  I came to see that I needed to be filled. I was so so so hungry! That's why the LORD wanted me to stop all I was doing in so many different directions and just allow Him to fill me again.  I signed up for Freedom Ministry personal sessions, and went like 5 or 6 times. It was so neat that one of the ladies ministering to me was from Yugoslavia herself! Weird but powerful and so very timely and perfectly ordained.

no longer mesmerized by the Phantom - Grace awakened me!

I read books. Lots of books. It started with "From Dream to Destiny," which catapulted this grace in my life and my search for its meaning. Then, a mixture of John Maxwell, Oswald Chambers and the Bible to twist and turn me down my path.  "The God I Never Knew," by Robert Morris released me from the burden of trying to explain what I believed about the Holy Spirit, because he explained it all!  I learned to "Think Differently and Live Differently," in Bob Hamp's amazing read, which reiterated all I remembered from the teachings in the Kairos seminars. I finished "When People Are Big and God is Small," by Edward T. Welch and decided to place peer pressure and what others thought of me behind me, once and for all. A friend gave me some excellent reads one of which was "Breaking the Cycle" by Dr. James Richards.  Awesome follow up to Bob Hamp's book and confirmation on the righteousness of God.  But perhaps, the most influential read at this time was "How to Stop The Pain," by Dr. James Richards. Now had I not read his previous book, I would never had picked up this one because I did not like the title - seriously! I read through this book alongside the girlies in my PINK ladies group, and saw amazing benefits as we realized just how much we judge and take the place of God. It was very freeing and revolutionary!  It seems that the word of the year was "grace" and this was a year for me to be spiritually filled and healed in the deepest parts. I was being restored to what God had in mind for me all along...

This year was said to mark healing and restoration for me, and I got that through so many avenues. I closed up half opened doors, and reopened ones I neglected.  Through it all, I just kept sensing - grace. I am so loved, on purpose, and justified, free form any accusations against me and God is for me. I got that. I overworked my head to get to the bottom of it, but through personal ministry with God in our times alone - I received this gift. More and more I feel the power of His Spirit. More and more I feel like I am on the verge of the best times of our lives. And the more I live in grace, the more I do all those things I strived for so many years to do on my own. Its' the opposite of what you would think.  If Jesus did it all, and we are righteous, forgiven, justified and blameless in His sight, then we can do whatever we want - usually implying this means bad and hurtful things. But the opposite is indeed true.  The more I understand how I do not need to work or stress and worry about tomorrow, the more I just do. I don;t know how or why, but I accomplish more and find myself doing he things I always admired in others: exercise, eat healthy, spend time with family, pray and read before bed, go out with Dan, write, and yes - even wake up early to have morning time with God.  But not because I disciplined myself. I tried that many times and although it may take 28, or 40 days to form a habit - I can brake that habit afterward in three days or less. It's a whole new concept, direction, empowering and desire. Grace. Serve it up!