Reality

One thing - I am so thankful to whomever it was (I cannot recall) that taught me the importance to be honest with God early on.  To know and believe in His presence at all times. I don't know when it was when it set in with me, whether it was Susanne Lemme with a card of Psalm 139 she said was for me, or Beth Moore in her Believing God study. no matter, but I do pray blessing on these women and whomever else was involved in my early learning about the (and here is a fancy word) omnipresence of God. Thank you.

Since I can remember, I have always been upfront with God. Now there were times I "ran away" or just pretended like He wasn't waiting to speak with me, and I ignored Him, knowing full well we will be talking later. I learned this was not the best way to deal with my life, but it took a long time to get rebellion out of me. I still have moments...  Nevertheless, I go to the LORD with everything. And I speak to Him everywhere.  I feel no shame to talk to Him while on the "potty" or even during sex. I know He is with me always and what in the world do I have to hide He hasn't seen? Maybe it started when I was baptized in the Holy Spirit.  I was in the shower, at my worst, hopeless for a good future, and angry with God because I felt He left me since I gave my life to Him. I have never been the same since that moment I experienced life, light and hope in a blink of an eye. It was magical! And since then, I often take all rings and earrings off and declare to Him in my hideout - the shower - "Naked I came and naked I will return;" I've got nothing.  It's all You!  Blessed Be Your Name.

My husband, Daniel and I have a close relationship and since we were together, we included each other in everything. A lot of times this was detrimental, but it taught us both to trust each other and love unconditionally. We have experienced so many trials, in almost every area of life and through it all it was the closeness, and the open communication that kept us together. We tell each other everything, and we are each others accountability partner.  I have often said very mean things and gotten angry for no reason, threatened to leave and been unfaithful in many areas. I have lied to him and vice-versa, yet we always come back together as friends, in love. This earthly relationship has needed much work, much faith and much trust, but it has given me a glimpse of what I need to do in order to be as close and even closer with the LORD.  I need to work in the relationship, by spending time with Him and learning about Him.  I need to trust Him in all things and have faith that He is who He says He is and His word is true and the absolute truth. And the more time we spend together - the more faith I have!

Daniel has been my glimpse of the LORD's grace and unconditional love.  I believe all spouses are willing to endure the gravest trials for one another - it is the one who is not satisfied - and usually with him or herself - that looks for ways to blame the other for their failures and shortcomings.  If we only worked on ourselves like we're instructed and took responsibility for our own actions, our world would really be a better place.  Sometimes we want instant change or complete turnarounds, and the same drive to succeed and be free from our spouse - but it rarely happens. This time is marks our wilderness, our desperate prayer and crying out for "them to change" while they are just content being constant and the same as usual.  If we embraced this time and benefited from getting feedback and room for us to grow from our loved one instead of being mad they are not at the same point in life as we are, we could change our destiny.  I think if both people grew at the same time - heads would fly!  I think the LORD places the spouse who seems as though at a standstill in our lives in these times to teach us patience and show us His patience and mercy with us.  It is a call to step up and a chance to experience unconditional love. 

Once again - I veered off, bu it's okay.  He knows my thoughts. The LORD is patient with me and constantly flooring me with HIS unconditional love for me!